just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Someone stole a lamp last night.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
