Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
