Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
