some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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