i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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