I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
