Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
