My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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