I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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