my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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