I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
