Who did Billy Mays play for?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
