last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
