last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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