it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
