There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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