I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
