That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
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It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
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i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.