First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize