Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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