Apparently you make a good broom.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.