From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
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He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
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You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..