i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
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Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
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I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.