i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
