A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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