despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
