i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
