walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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