His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
