why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
