Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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