He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
