Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
