I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
