u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
