I think I won the penis lottery.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
