I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
