he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
