remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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