please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
