I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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