my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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