The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
