I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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