It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
