I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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