What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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