matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
