I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
