Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
