their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
