Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
