if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
