Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
