Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
