so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
