apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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