i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
