Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm both gender and math confused
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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