So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
