Welp...herpes.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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