dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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