she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
