She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
