Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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