Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
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I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
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YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize