3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize