Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
