you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
