Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
