We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
