also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
