So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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