Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
