As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
