i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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