WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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