Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
