VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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