You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
