Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
