why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
