So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
