Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
