when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
