today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
