Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
