K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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