i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
